Separation Anxiety

I want to go back, please, please, to the embryonic safety where I knew, oh, perhaps not everyone's name, but who/what everyone was/represented. I want a place where I meet, can meet, nobody new, never be attacked by the all-consuming awkwardness of reaching out. A place where I am part of a whole, part of a pair that is accepted without question, without need of question. Never talked of, never denied, never found strange...I want to have everyone know and be indifferent. I miss the days when my name told everyone everything they needed to know. Gods below, how I hate being separated, fragmented, broken, reflected in strange new mirrors and the eyes of well-meaning new friends who need me to speak entire sentences. I am tired, tired, so very very tired of being liked, being accepted, being listened to as an individual. I don't want to be an individual, damn it all to eternal hell. I want to be part of a pack. I don't want to be alone. It's tedious. And annoying. And scary. Please, take me back. But you cannot, neither of you, none of you, can. You've moved on, and so, I suppose, have I. But it is so hard to part from you, m'dear, and for all my blustering words, I have always been bad at bidding farewell.